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Amusement Park Rules

My wife and I were at Kennywood, the local amusement park here in Pittsburgh, for my company picnic on Saturday. We had a good time on a gorgeous day, and as always, I enjoyed the people watching. And in doing so, it brought to light some amusement park rules that should be followed.

  1. Ladies, don’t wear skirts/dresses to an amusement park. Rollercoasters are not the best place for a fashion show. It’s just not functional.
  2. Don’t tell your kids they’re tall enough for a ride when they’re not. It just leads to disappointment and wasted time.
  3. Don’t use your cell phone while in line for a ride. Amusement parks are loud, and yelling “WHAT?” into your phone does not qualify as a conversation. If you need to use your cell phone, that’s what text messaging is for.
  4. If you work at an amusement park, don’t let your friends cut long lines to get on rides (unless they’re also physically disabled). It’s just going to piss people off and get you reported to your boss. Your friends being “mentally disabled” doesn’t cut it.
  5. Dress casually, but try not to wear anything that will make people vomit. So, leave your 1982 mesh muscle shirt at home next time.
  6. Don’t get in line at the concession stand and complain that there’s nothing on the menu that’s good for your diet. Did you really think that they’d suddenly started selling salads and tofu bars alongside corn dogs, deep fried Oreos, and french fries smothered in cheese and bacon?
  7. If you’re going on a water ride, you’re going to get wet! I can’t believe how many people I see get of log flumes and rapids rides that just look shocked that they actually got wet. Oh, and if you’re going to buy a poncho to try not to get wet, then don’t even bother with the ride!
  8. Ladies…again…enough with the bikini-top-as-a-top look. I don’t want to see your gut (as it’s almost always the people that shouldn’t be wearing an outfit that do).
  9. If your looking to ditch your gum while you are in line, there are trash cans. Just sticking it to the wall/fence/post or throwing it in the nearest tree is just gross.
  10. Parents, keep your kids in line. An amusement park is not a playground for your kids to run wild in.

Well, those are just the ones off the top of my head. You guys got any others?

Published incultureinterestingpet peeves


  1. Rob Barron Rob Barron

    Hey Greg, thanks for this. It gave me a laugh as well as making some points that just need to be said! :o)

    I was looking for some fun rules to weave into a language lesson when I found this so I copied it and edited it to suit British English as schools over here insist students use that.

    Would you be ok with me using it in this way? I like to get people’s permission rather than just nick stuff so wanted to check with you first. I promise you that if you say no, I will scrap it and not use it. You have my word.

    Really appreciate your consideration. Cheers,

    • Greg Nilsen Greg Nilsen

      Sure, I have no problems with that.

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