Ok, in the past it’s been News of the Dumb and News of the Stupid, but these stories seem to be popping up more and more frequently, so I’m going to give them the status of a YCBE recognition. Simply put, these are stories so ridiculous that they’re likely to make you stop in your tracks and exclaim “You Can’t Be Serious”.
Here are today’s candidates:
- Willett Elementary School in Attleboro, Massachusetts recently banned students from playing “tag” during recess. Doesn’t anyone remember that kids are supposed to get bumps and scrapes, and that public schools are meant to be entities that communities rally around and not team-up against? Nonetheless, in order to avoid any further possible liability concerns for the school, the following list of approved recess activities has been released:
- Sitting Still Contests
- One-Square (use of rubber balls not allowed)
- “I Spy”
- Reading (though gloves must be worn to prevent paper cuts)
- Chris Rock’s mother (who looks like she just scored a hit in this photo) is suing Cracker Barrel for discrimination. Apparently, she and her daughter were seated and then not waited on for a half-hour at a location on the South Carolina coast. She then spoke with a manager, who offered them free meals, and decided she was too disgusted to eat, claiming they were ignored because they were the only black people in the restaurant. The Rev. Al Sharpton, never one to miss a public appearance, rushed quickly to her side. While Cracker Barrel does not have a spotless past, it’s hard to take this reactionary complaint seriously (though I’m sure the courts will). I mean, it’s impossible that the hostess might have forgotten to tell their waitress that she was seated with more customers. Heck, I’m a suburban white boy, and there have been times I’ve waited about that long for service, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t being discriminated against.
- Lastly, The U (Miami University to those who know better) and the ACC have been defending the 1-game suspensions of 13 football players for their involvement in a brawl in the third quarter of their game against Florida International University, where one player, a team captain no-less, was stomping on various FIU players with his cleats, while another brandished his helmet as a weapon. Both organizations have stated that the suspensions are “strict” and “send a message”. Well, that message might be “well, we’re pretty sure we can still beat winless Duke without them next week”. The appropriate responses would have been to dismiss the two players above from the team, and then suspend the remainder of the players involved for the season. Instead, The U has brandished the slogan “Give us your thugs, your violent and ill-tempered…as long as they can play football”.