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Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle of Dumb

Well, after three days of reading bad press and reviews, I caught a matinee of the third Pirates of the Caribean movie. Initially, upon leaving the theatre, I didn’t think all the negative press was quite as called for. Yes, there was a lot that could have been done better given the acting talent involved, but at least it was entertaining.

And I held that view for a few more hours until the details started to haunt me. Honestly, there were just too many loose threads, plot holes, and indescrepancies for me to just simply overlook. And they were the result of disjointed storytelling, making one line regarding main character Jack Sparrow very ironic: “Do you think he plans ahead or just makes it up as he goes along?”

Here’s a few of my biggest problem with the movie (some with the final two together, since they are invarably intertwined…WARNING: some spoilers involved):

  • The writers completely lost sight of the main storyline from the first movie (the young couple, Will and Elizabeth, doing whatever it took to persue love) and instead focused on the most entertaining character, Jack Sparrow. I can understand it to a point, but to doom Will to virtual banishment from the living, leave Elizabeth without her husband, and let Jack off the hook was inexcusable. That made this movie a tradgedy, and I’m not sure the writers even realized it.
  • The writers opened up too many side stories that never went anywhere, got closed or were even examined. What was the point of Will going to rescue his father from the Dutchman if his father was just going to stay there once released? When Calypso was released, all she did was create a whirlpool? Furthermore, what does a naiad from Greek mythology doing in a movie about pirates well over a thousand years later? What was the point of the priate council, especially if the result of their efforts was the anti-climatic Calypso pool? What killed the Cracken, the fearsome beast from the second movie that was simply found washed ashore an island?
  • Let’s not outsmart ourselves here. Characters switched sides in this movie more often than a double agent.
  • I just have to say for all the Davey Jones’ Locker scenes, and any scene where there was more than one Johnny Depp on the screen, I’m pretty sure the writers were high on something.
  • And for the rest of the movie, I’m pretty sure their ADD set in, because they weren’t able to focus on any storyline for more than a few minutes.

In the end, if you can go see a movie and then immediately turn off your brain, you’ll probably enjoy this third, and hopefully final installment (though they left the door open again…), in the Pirates of the Carribean series. However, if you think about this movie at all, you’ll likely be like me, and wonder how they could have gone so wrong after making a very good movie in the original, The Curse of the Black Pearl.

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