Skip to content

Category: humor

Mt. Lebanon Kicks Off “Urban Trail Running” Initiative

Mt. Lebanon, PA — After years of planning and several months of construction, Mt. Lebanon recently unveiled the first trail in their brand new “Urban Trail Running” initiative to help encourage a healthier city.  The 1-mile “Boulevard Trail”, adjacent to Castle Shannon Boulevard, is a combination of asphalt, crushed limestone and broken concrete.

“For too long, our local trail runners have had to leave the community to experience the sport they enjoy.  Now, the trail has come to them!” Councilwoman Cindy Stephenson boasted.  “And, since it’s here in town, we can maintain it to be open year-round.”

20150606_100028
The New “Boulevard Trail”

“I love it!” claimed local trail runner, Franklin Tcazki.  “Instead of driving a half hour, I can just walk down the street to the trail!”  Franklin hopes to organize the trail’s first race, a 15k mini-ultra-marathon, for sometime this fall.

However, some local residents have been less impressed.  “I thought they were just doing construction,” said John Jackson, who lives along the trail, “but then they just stopped last month!  It looks like a terrible sidewalk, but if others enjoy it, I don’t mind driving over it.”

Despite the mixed reception, the community appears to be moving forward with a additional trail to be installed by Robb Hollow Road later this year, with additional trails still in the planning phases.

6 Types of Snow Shovelers You’ll See This Winter

While I do enjoy winter, as a runner I’m not always a fan of how I see some people “maintain” their sidewalks.  Most of the time, it’s not that bad, and other times you bit the dust, as I did earlier this week.  Thankfully, the damage was limited to a torn glove (picture from post-run, since I was too annoyed to do anything but keep running):

Running Glove Rip

 

However, my runs keep me thinking about all the different variations I see on sidewalk care…

1) The “What? It Snowed?”

Bad Shoveling 1I mean, it couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 days ago.  I’m awfully busy, and you seem to be making it through just fine!  Practically done it for me, in fact!

2) “It’s Not My Property”

new-york-snow

See #1, but if you run into them and say something, they’ll give you a 15-minute diatribe about how it’s the government’s property and how they can’t be expected to do anything about it.  They’re wrong, of course…

3) The “One Lane Highway”

CTY-snow17p-Paul-Sullivan

Pretty much the Safe Auto of shoveling.  Thanks for at least doing something, but hopefully there isn’t much foot traffic in the area, or crossing paths with anyone becomes pretty awkward.

4) “Salting is like shoveling, right?”

snow.awful_

Put down enough salt, and all the snow melts, right?  Sure, until you’ve created a small lake with nowhere to drain, and then the temperatures stay below freezing.  Hooray for homemade ice rinks!

5) “A Little Off The Top”

tumblr_nj5pruBPOz1qz559yo1_500

Ok, so you got all the big stuff but can’t be bothered with the actual footing?  I mean, you’ve done most of the work already, but couldn’t take care of the final 10%.

6) “Properly Maintained”

s_mpls_sidewalkYou shoveled, and then you put down salt to reduce ice from melting.  Bravo!  You’ve done exactly what you’re supposed to do, but it still feels like you went above and beyond!

Have you seen any other examples of bad shoveling this winter?  Feel free to share them in the comments below!

RIP Robin Williams

Robin WIlliams

I’ll admit that there aren’t too many celebrity deaths that give me pause any more, but I was floored today to hear of the passing of Robin Williams at just 63.  While an apparent suicide, and I realize that he has had a troubled past and wrestled with addictions for a long time, I still see him as an amazing comedian who was unto his own, as well as an actor with depth who could pull off the serious roles.

Thanks for the memories Robin…I’ll always remember:

    • Aladdin
    • Mrs. Doubtfire
    • Toys (yes, I loved him in this movie, as goofy as it was)

  • Patch Adams
  • Popeye
  •  Hook
  • Awakenings
  • Dead Poets Society
  • Good Morning, Vietnam
  • Good Will Hunting
  • The Birdcage
  • What Dreams May Come

Plus many more roles and appearances, too many and too varied to name them all.  It’s truly a sad end to a bright, yet troubled, career.

An Open Letter to the Idiot Who Backed Into My Car

Dear Idiot,

Nice job committing insurance fraud and completely lying to your insurance company about what happened.  I mean, I had started backing out, and saw you throw your car into reverse and start aiming at me, yes…but I stopped my car and honked THREE times at you to get your attention, which was clearly diverted elsewhere.

However, you tell your insurance company that you saw my car moving in order to cover your own butt (which, from the way you drive, I can only assume you’ve had to do before).  Of course, if you actually saw my car moving (which implies you were paying some modicum of attention), it begs the question, “WHY THE HECK DID YOU KEEP BACKING UP???

The clear answer is that you were preoccupied with something else (talking up some girl on the phone or drowning out the world with music, I don’t know…).  However, it’s much easier to lie than to admit that you made a mistake, huh?

Except for at the scene, apparently, where you actually claimed responsibility for the accident.  You never said what distracted you, but you managed to vocalize that you were at fault.

At least until your insurance agent called.  Then you’re changing your story again to try and keep your growing premiums down.

So then I have to go through more than a month of dealing with your crappy, unresponsive insurance company and driving my crunched-up car while they twiddle their thumbs and finally offer to split the $3000+ in repairs 50/50.

Fortunately, I have real auto insurance with a reasonable deductible that allowed me to reject their offer and finally get the repairs done at a fair price (not as fair as the $0 I should have paid for you ramming your car into mine, but much better than $1500).

Next time you get in an accident, I sure hope the other party gets the police involved to get a clear report that you won’t be able to flip on.

-Greg Nilsen

So you can score negative points in basketball now?

From ESPN.com's game summary (as of 12AM on 2/12/2009):

Final             1   2   T
#22 SYR (18-7) 27 22 49
#1 CONN (23-1) 30 33 63

That's the boxscore, but I found this in the summary:

Syracuse got within 57-50 on a 3 by Andy Rautins with 5:34 left, but Price answered with a 3 25 seconds later and the lead was never below 10 the rest of the way.

Hmmm…so in the last 5+ minutes of the game, Syracuse managed to score -1 points, huh?

Are terrorists really bad people?

This 24 viewer doesn't seem to think so:

It's true.  We really need to get some more of those warm and fuzzy, people building their communities and helping others terrorists on the show….

Akmed, come and give me a hug!

Jeff Dunham – Akmed the Dead Terrorist